I refuse to get my hopes up. I’m not falling into this trap again.
Depression is one of those things that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. You can’t stop it, you can’t control it; you have no power. And nothing should have power over you, except yourself. You feel this gnawing in your stomach, water swelling behind your eyes and a hollowing feeling deepening in your chest. It never goes away. Sometimes it’s subtle, and barely felt, but when it’s bad, oh god it’s bad. On the nights when you can’t breathe, can’t think of anything but the pain in your body that you can’t get rid of. It kills you from the inside, slowly. Each day subtly eating away at you.
It’s been almost five months and I feel like things should be getting better, but they just seem to be getting worse. The pain is getting stronger and the water behind my eyes refuses to evaporate. Randomly throughout the day I feel myself choking back tears for no reason. I can’t get you out of my head. You’re like a disease and I don’t know how to stop you. And I have no idea who to talk to about this.
I’m so tired of feeling like the walls are caving in
I’m so fucking sick of depression. I can’t handle this anymore.
I’m really sad tonight and I don’t know why. I should be angry, but I can feel the water swelling up behind my eyes and the sinking feeling in my chest. I just want to be over this. I don’t understand why I still get sad at times…
I hate that I still want you back sometimes. I’ve realized that after two years you never really loved me, because if you had, none of the things that drove us apart would have happened. I realized we’re not good together and that I deserve better. but today, I’m lying in bed, too sad to get up, and I want you back. I miss all of the comforts of you, and right now I could really use your arms wrapped around me.
I wonder what you’re doing
and if you ever think of me.
Do you still wear the shirts I bought you,
or sleep with my blanket?
Or is the thought of being wrapped
in me too hard?
Or does it not even
phase you at all…
The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.
We met for a reason,
either you’re a blessing
or a lesson.